Destiny street

Bratislava, the city I come from and where I currently live, is a capital of Slovakia (in case you didn’t know, which I wouldn’t blame you for one bit). Despite that, living here sometimes feels like living in a village.

Why? Well… The city center is really small, you can get everywhere on foot in less than half hour, I can’t go out without meeting someone I know by chance, everybody knows everybody – at least so it seems… And my life in Bratislava sort of revolves around this one street – Grosslingova. If it was the street I live on, it wouldn’t be weird at all. But I don’t. I live quite far away from there (but then again, define “far” in Bratislava).

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When I was little, I needed a math tutoring for I’ve always been a mathematical anti-talent and this math tutor of mine lived on Grosslingova street. I went to high school and my undergrad college here. I met my first great love as well as many good friends on this street. My third boyfriend lived on this street, too. So did my ninth boyfriend. And guess where my new workplace is located?

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A peek through the fence of my high school. The building was built in 1908, together with the “Blue Church” in the background.

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Then…

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And now.

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My “alma mater”, Bratislava liberal arts college, where I did my bachelor’s.

And it’s not even some very significant, or busy street. It is in the city center, yes, but it’s a quiet, mostly residential street. Despite that, there are many cool places. There’s a flower shop, tea shop and a beautiful tailoring shop owned by father and two sons. There are maybe four hipsterish cafĂ©s and restaurants, one of which is called “La Cocotte”, which is a super cool pun – if spelled differently, “cocotte” is a Slovakian swear word. There are three bio/vegan shops – one of them right next to the butcher shop. And yeah, three schools – two of which I attended.

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A long time ago, there was an orphanage in this building. It’s completely overgrown with ivy and it’s one of my most favourite houses on Grosslingova.

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I know every corner of it. And so many of those corners bring back fond memories.

I hardly think it’s a coincidence that I keep coming back to this street. Maybe it’s some kind of a sign. Maybe I’ll live on Grosslingova one day. Maybe I’ll meet my future husband here. Or what if I already have? Who knows 🙂

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System error

When I’m in need of a cold shower – when I need someone to tell me the rational point of view of how things really are, I go and talk to one of my colleagues. He doesn’t embellish, nor does he spare me of cruel reality. Every time I need a withdrawal from my ideal world, I go and ask him to wake me up from dreaming.

Me: What’s wrong with me? Why do I have this feeling like everybody is leaving me?
Him: Because you care too much. You show your emotions too much.
Me: And is that a problem?
Him: It scares people away. You can’t show that much emotion. Try to hide them, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Put on a mask.
You open your heart too much and it allows people to take advantage of you.
That’s how this world goes.
Me: Then I don’t like this world. Why do I have to hide my emotions? I don’t like this kind of world at all.

It’s a cold, cold world without emotions. I feel like the Dementors got way too far away from Azkaban and are now somewhere here amongst us, turning everything cold. And Muggles don’t see the dementors, do they?

And I feel like screaming out: EXPECTO PATRONUM!

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Emotions are great. Showing them feels great. When I hear something funny, I laugh hard. When I like something, I praise. When I’m sad, I cry my eyes out. And I really do cry a lot – tears of happiness and sorrow. And when I love, I show it.

At times, I feel like emotions are suffocating. I choke on laughter. I choke on tears. I choke on melancholy. It’s sometimes so hard to breathe, but I wouldn’t change a thing about my way of feeling things.

But my colleague is probably right. That’s just how this world goes.

People don’t really care that much. People stopped repairing things. We stopped repairing broken relationships, even if they can be fixed. We rather go and replace them with new ones. It’s like on facebook: Add friend. Add friend. All of a sudden, you have 400 friends. Remove friend. One less, who cares? But what about memories? Feelings for the person? What about this friends’s unique personality? Can everybody be replaced? It seems like they can. Like with furniture or electronics. You simply throw it away and buy a new one.

And wait a sec, so I was ditched because I cared too much? Until now, I always thought it’s a good thing to love someone. If people had to speak in all honesty, what would they say? I break up with you because you care too much about me? I am ending our friendship because you were too good of a friend to me?

It’s a weird, weird world.