I have heard once one of my friends saying she’s considering breaking up with her boyfriend because he lived in another city and they were able to see each other only on weekends. She said such relationship is useless and has no future prospects if they saw each other that little. I couldn’t help laughing inside and thought to myself: “Two days a week? That’s a luxury.”
Imagine being in a relationship with someone and seeing them only several times a year. Well, that’s me. I’ve been in a long distance relationship for a couple of years now and granted, it is shit. But for some reason I don’t feel like throwing it away. Not that I never had thoughts about giving it up and just date someone more “practical” but why? Relationships after all are about something more than just being with your loved one 24/7.
Last time I saw him was last year, mid December. I asked myself many times why do we still keep it going. Isn’t it just dwelling to the past? That maybe our relationship lives only from all the things we had before, but what do we have now? Isn’t it all just a memory? An illusion?
As I see it, long distance relationships take a lot more effort and energy to keep them going than “normal” ones. They take a huge amount of trust for suspicion, jealousy and insecurity thrives in them. They sometimes make you cry. But above all they make you wonder: is it worth it? Am I going to be rewarded for my patience and hope? Yes, maybe one day you will and that’s what keeps you waiting.
To wait or not to wait is merely a modern dilemma. A couple of decades back to wait was a normal thing. Our mothers and grandmothers often had to wait for months, sometimes even years, for their men to come back home from wars, military service, or work. To wait then was natural. Now it’s a virtue.
You need to have three things to survive a long distance relationship: patience, hope and your own life. Patience to help you overcome the longing, hope to give you a reason to maintain the relationship, and your own life to be independent from your partner. In fact, why is it that boyfriends/girlfriends are often referred to as the “other halves”? You are a whole, he/she is a whole. To survive you have to perceive yourself as an autonomous entity, who has life of its own. If you allow yourself to be just a half, you will always feel incomplete.