Those goodbyes

I really hate goodbyes. But who loves them, right?

Yesterday I went to see the last Hobbit movie – the Battle of the Five Armies. Not only I cried throughout the whole last hour, but by the time the credits were over and the movie screen turned black, an intense feeling of sadness got me: this is it, it’s over. All of the LOTR and the Hobbit movies are finished and there is nothing to look forward to! Oh, but there is – like my friend Tina suggested – the movie marathon challenge, which means watching all six movies in extended versions on DVDs, which means spending approximately 24 hours in the Middle Earth. Yay! I’m totally up for it – where’s my sword?

Unfortunately, the fantastic world created by Tolkien was not the only thing I had to say goodbye to lately. The events of my real life took an unexpected twist in the plot and I had to leave London, leaving behind a year and a half of my life in England. I met many great people during my time here and I know I should be grateful for that, but getting to know them only to have to leave them behind makes me feel blue. These encounters were incredibly inspirational and life-changing for me and it got me thinking how every single decision you make changes you and your life completely. If you think about it, life is like a domino game – you make a move and the whole row of dominoes falls down. You make a decision and it sets everything in motion.

I was accepted to two other universities apart from Southampton – Norwich and Aberdeen – and am sometimes picturing how my life would’ve turned out if I went there. It’s impossible though, because I don’t know what could’ve happened, what kind of people I could have met. I only know if I didn’t go to Southampton I would’ve never known Dixie, a genuine, artistic and sensitive girl, whose purity of feelings makes me wonder whether this world has not become way too rotten for dreamers to survive; Lukas, whom I laughed loads with and bitched about all sorts of things with, things many people around us could not understand; Carmelo, funny and loyal man of his word, who breaks all stereotypes about Italians; or Ewa, a righteous and helpful girl with a pure soul. And maybe I would’ve never ended up renting a room in the house in Streatham and would’ve never met Chris, a male version of me, who inspired me more than he might realise; Tom, whose positivity and lust for life radiates on miles; Jonny, a lovely, funny and kind person, whose smile and laugh makes you love him straight away; and Cassey, a handsome guy, whose charming sense of humour made you always wonder whether he’s mocking you, is serious or just makes an innocent remark.

All these people were my housemates, the people who I shared home with, which is one of the reasons why they’d become so important to me. Of course if I went to uni elsewhere, I would have met different people (maybe equally great) but I wouldn’t be the person I am now because all of these friends left trace on me, shaped me in a way.

Sometimes it even feels unfair – why does life give you all these amazing people only to take them away from you again. I guess because there is no pleasure without pain.

And why did these goodbyes have to hurt so much? Because it was REAL.

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2 thoughts on “Those goodbyes

  1. Katka, this is beautiful, and heartbreaking. Sometimes I wonder if the pain of leaving someone makes all the times spent worth it, but I know in rare case it does, as it happens with you. Knowing you is an immense pleasure for me, and probably one of the most wonderful privileges life has given me 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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