When I was a little girl I used to do this silly thing from time to time: practicing my signature with a different surname and a degree inscribed before it. The surname was changing every time, depending on which boy I fancied at the moment and those three or four letters indicating a degree were changing too because I wasn’t at all decided about my future career destination. Once I had written down this fictional name with a medical degree and was imagining how would it look like on a name tag on my doctor’s white coat, another time I was a psychologist with my own fancy office…
This habit included two dreams at once: to be an educated and a married woman one day. One of these dreams recently came true. No need to congratulate a newlywed – I “only” have been awarded a masters degree in social science. What a news! This reality, however, left me with several confusions. In the period between submitting my dissertation and getting my results back I knew I couldn’t consider myself a student anymore, but neither felt disconnected with the student life as I still haven’t got my degree. But after Monday this week, I came from being “waiting-for-the-results unemployed” – which is still quite justifiable (or is it not?) – to “officially unemployed”. A non-student adult. I am also left with somewhat mixed feelings: I have always wanted to come to this stage of life when I can actually feel I achieved something and even have evidence to prove it but now that I’m there, I’m kinda lost. Not in a depressing sense but lost as in: NOW WHAT? Is there any direction board saying which way to go – which road to take? Is there some kind of information centre that gives out the maps of life? No, there is not. Before it was parents, school, or teachers with all their rules, obligations, deadlines and directions telling me what, when and how to do things. Now it’s me on my own. Sounds almost like freedom. This is a circumstance in which every single person wanted to see themselves when they were younger. To get away from all these rules, duties, teachers, parents. I was no exception. Only now that I am so to speak free to do whatever I please, I don’t know where to start. Which road to take. To make all these decisions that eventually influence your whole life is the most difficult and a bit scary part. It also takes a great deal of time to become what you wish to become. To make your dreams come true. But fortunately, time is a commodity I possess now. It is all in my hands.
Confusions aside, I am a master! I have mastered (at least I think I have) a tiny bit of social science. That’s a good stepping stone I guess. I’m on the road and I know it’s long, wide and curled. And it probably goes all around the world.
And strangely enough, since getting an actual REAL degree I didn’t write my name with the three magical letters down once.